Recently, fears have been expressed about radiation frying your brain when using mobile phone. Here are a few methods of avoiding this hazard (although personally I think the dangers have been grossly exaggerated).

My Cranial Defense Shield^(tm) is an effective barrier to microwave radiation, as well as being a stylish fashion statement.

Or, remembering that the intensity of radiation decreases by 4¹⁰ kilojoules per every metre squared, my patented Mobile Remote Operator Kit could be just what you need.

But perhaps the most satisfying solution is leave the mobile at home and treat your friends and loved ones to a personal visit.

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